Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
