well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
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He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
They have beer where we have blood.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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