Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
