I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
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Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
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Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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