i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
