So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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