I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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