I think i peed on brittanys purse
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
