You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
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It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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