I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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