I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
