I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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