do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
