the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
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The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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