You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
