dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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