go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
