the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
