are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
