just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
