The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
