i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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