You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
