you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
