i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
