did you get engaged???
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
