Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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