I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
