My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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