Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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