im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
