I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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