Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
