Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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