I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
