we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
