I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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