You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
