I love black thongs
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize