i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
