Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
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These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
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I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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