Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
