Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
