man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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