I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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