I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
