Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
