that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
