I heard we made out
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
