i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
