it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
