I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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