Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
