Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
