Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Terrible idea I love it
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
