He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
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What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
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We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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