so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
