So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
