well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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