So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
