Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
