you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
