Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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