i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
