escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
